Source: Unsplash by Joshua Earle
Sometimes in life, we need a moment of peace and serenity. Other times, it’s about getting away from someone or some people who annoy the life out of us and drive us nuts. Or, someone’s told us to get lost, and we take it literally. And sometimes, we want a crazy adventure because sitting still is the most difficult thing in the world. Oh, joy.
In any case, here are three steps to helping you get there, somewhere, anywhere. You get the point.
Walk outside (unless you’re someone who doesn’t need to go far to get lost and you can literally get lost in your own house or backyard). It may seem easy, but getting out of bed can be a difficult task in itself.
Once you’ve managed to miraculously drag yourself out of bed, headed outside (preferably with shoes on), move on to step 2.
If you are heading out on foot, try following a random animal or bird. Though, you might not get far if they live nearby. So, you might need to try following a few of them. Make sure they’re not someone’s pet because you could get caught. Most likely for stalking or attempted kidnapping.
If you’re heading out by car or motorbike, make sure you fill up the tank. That way, you can get as far away as possible. Make sure you don’t make any petrol stops, and you’re ready to abandon your vehicle in the middle of nowhere. But, if you’re attached, maybe try getting a second-hand one to avoid this problem. Well, unless you get too attached to that too. In which case, you’ll have a serious problem getting lost.
Once you’ve decided how you’re going to get lost, you might want to start the process of moving. Either by foot or a vehicle of some sort. This would be a good start. Then, keep going, ignoring signs of distance or signs telling you where on earth you are. Then move on to step 3.
Once you’ve managed to get somewhere and have no idea where you are or how to get back, now is the time to sit down and relax and eat some food because you’re probably hungry. Unless you’ve forgotten to pack any. Well done, you’ve now got a serious problem. You’re going to starve. Unless you’ve managed to end up in a forest with fruits and animals and literally know how to survive in the wild. Or, you’ve miraculously managed to end up somewhere with shops, lucky you! I hope you’ve bought money and credit cards. Otherwise, this won’t work out the way you planned at all.
Once you’ve accomplished all the above steps, in some way or another (well done, you!), it’s time to head back. Unfortunately for you, this is where it ends. Enjoy!
I am no expert at getting lost, and this guide has no steps on how to get back at all. Be prepared for anything and think about taking someone with you. Preferably, someone, you won’t want to kill.
So, if this is something you’ve decided to do, I’m somewhat sure this will help you get lost for a while. Make sure you let a few people know you’re going first. You may get a few odd looks, but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
Oh, the joys of being a little weird, or, if you want, we can call it spontaneous to make you feel better.
One thought on “THE HUMOROUS GUIDE: 3 STEPS TO GETTING LOST”