Source: Unsplash by Caleb Woods

Punishing children is no longer an option. According to child specialists, punishing children has been discovered to have more negative consequences than positive ones. So, what are the other options?

In their book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, two parenting experts, Joanna Faber and Julie King, provide some excellent advice.

1.      Do not give orders, give notes:

And they will know what needs to be done.

When you describe the problem, they will know what their role is without you having to tell them. Kids don’t like to receive orders.

2.      Talk about yourself, not about them:

Children are egocentric by nature; they don’t know that their actions affect us. We have to bring their attention to this as part of raising them up and communicating with them.

Typically, they will pay attention to clean spots on the fridge or anywhere else next time, because now they know that you have to clean and get tired as a result.

3.      Express your madness without referring to them using sarcasm or profanity, or words such as “stupid,” “neglectful,”, “stubborn”

 Similar to the above point, describe your feelings; however, never throw descriptions at kids.

Punishing children will not make them stop doing the wrong thing; however, informing them that their actions are causing you harm will.

4.      Do not lose your cool right away; give them a chance to fix the situation.

We understand how difficult it is to keep your cool when your kitchen floor is covered with milk or food and there are pieces here and there. However, screaming will only make it worse.

5.      The pen and paper strategy:

When you have a problem with your child, you might want to try this trick; bringing paper and a pen is a strategy that many child experts recommend. Faber and King say that children feel thrilled when they receive notes. They love to receive notes from their parents and send back replies.

Let’s say mom promised Kiara that she would watch a movie with her before bedtime, but she had to cancel due to an important business call. Instead of informing Kiara straight up and risking a violent outburst or tears, she could try sending her a letter like this:


Dear Kiara:

I am sorry to tell you that we’ll have to do the

 movie night tomorrow, not tonight

Mommy has urgent work.

Love you” 💓


       Let us take another example in which Kiara wants new a new Ipad

Even if you didn’t buy it, she now knows that it is on your mind and that you care enough about her.

6.      Before you intervene, give them a chance to solve their own problems:

We’ve all been in situations where our kids are fighting over something as simple as “it’s my turn, not yours,” “don’t ride my bicycle,” or “you ate my chocolate,” and we usually rush to resolve the conflict.

Try another way; give them a chance to discuss it. You never know, they might just surprise you and come up with a brilliant settlement all by themselves.

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