THE HUMOROUS GUIDE: TO A SPOOKTACULAR HALLOWEEN! – A GHOULISH NIGHT PART 1

two jack o lantern lamps

Source: Pexels by Toni Cuenca

Filled with spooks and thrills, frights and chills, Halloween is a time to dress up, attend a spine-tingling party or go trick-or-treating. An event to collect the most amount of sweets, usually lasting around a week. You may need to visit the dentist soon after and get your new fillings in.

The origins of Halloween aren’t as clear cut, but many people celebrate this day, whilst others abstain. The day marks the start of the cold and dark winter ahead. Pumpkins are in stock and available for all. Whether you are looking to wake the fallen or you are the dead, this Halloween can be a nightmare waiting to happen or a train wreck from the get-go.

This guide intends to support you through your spooktacular Halloween with early preparations and the final moments of scares, also known as ‘Fright Night’. Something that not only Thorpe Park can get right.

1. Be Prepared!

You don’t have to live in a graveyard or haunted house. If you do, it can help. For those who don’t, a great costume and decorations will suffice. If you have done this plenty of times, that’s nice. Just remember, even you can run out of ideas.

Great, you found your perfect Halloween character. If you haven’t yet, think quickly, we don’t have all day. Just remember, the scarier you look, the more likely you are to give someone a heart attack, quite literally. Don’t be scared to frighten the kids. If concerned parents turn up at your door, you’ve done yourself proud.

Ensure the theme for the costume is carried forward to the decoration ideas, making your house the scariest and creepiest it can be.

2. Costume and Decorations!

Outfits should be purchased a month in advance, and make sure it’s a good fit. Buying a mask and accessories will make your look even more real. Alternatively, cover your face with make-up or paint. Remember, tacky is not the way to go here.

The smart ones reuse the same outfit every year. It works, but you’ll also become gullible and no good to scare anyone. Why not try taking your look to a new location? Just be sure not to stand around and be creepy stalking people. You’ll be beaten up and left in the corner.

Reuse decorations from previous years. Many cheapskates will be happy to hear this one, saving you time and money. Adding a new additional item or two to the mix, especially for outside your home, is a genius idea. Much of your scaring will take place here.

For the experienced ones, decorations cover all entry points, like windows and doors. You’ll have a fake hand placed and ready to go through the letterbox or glowing eyes that leave the trick-or-treaters screaming for their lives. With electronic spiders crawling out your side windows, gummy worms slipping off your top windows and falling straight onto your targets, every item has its place. If you’ve smoked up the house using a smoke machine and haven’t burned anything to the ground or choked yourself to death, the effect will be mind-blowing. Otherwise, you will need to take yourself to the hospital, if you’re not already unconscious from smoke inhalation.

It’s a good idea to place ornaments and cobwebs outside. Sound effects will also create a truly believable atmosphere. Ensure fake blood or real is dripping through the side of your door. Go that extra mile, and don’t be afraid, as there are already plenty of creepy people out and about on Halloween. Tonight’s your night!

Use pictures from previous years. Take them now if you haven’t previously. These will help guide you for years to come. Just make sure people don’t see your collection of photos. Many might think you’re not mentally stable and will suggest an institution.

3. Fright Time!

Entrance is key! Whether for a party or the kids, make sure you have your full costume on and open the door slowly. Ensure the smoke floats out the door. People need to believe you are the grim reaper, no matter what you wear. Carry a deadly prop, like a knife or spear. Practising is essential here. Winging it is not your friend. The last thing you want to do is trip over your outfit and fall. If you have, don’t worry, there are still plenty of kids to come for trick-or-treating, plus there’s always next year. If you get it wrong every time, you’re probably just stupid! Just go and change, you’re useless at Halloween. Find another festive period to ruin, like Christmas or Easter.

With trick-or-treating, always keep sweets under your cloak. Many kids hang around for this, if they haven’t run off screaming. Most importantly, don’t invite anyone inside. Only crazy people do that. After all your time and effort, you don’t want the police turning up. There are already enough creepy people in this world, don’t add yourself to the list.


Disclaimer

I’m no expert on Halloween or how you can scare little children. So, don’t turn your happy Halloween into an unfortunate nightmare. If you follow these steps and end up in prison, you’re on your own.

Until then, stay tuned for the next Halloween special instalment, The Humorous Guide: How To Scare Trick-Or-Treaters – A Ghoulish Night Part 2.


Published by Divia DM

As a creative writer, I've always been captivated by storytelling as a way to express my thoughts, creativity, and imagination. As a result, I found myself writing in various formats, especially screenplays for short and feature films. With various academic qualifications and accreditations to my name, I found writing has always been my heartbeat. I hope the articles you read, provide some joy, thought-provoking questions and much-needed laughter.

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