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In this new bulle de bonheur, we address the notion of ‘self-confidence’. A broad theme and a bit of a catch-all, we hear all kinds of approaches to the subject. It is therefore not always easy to find your way around becoming self-confident. You have probably already said to yourself: “I would like to have more confidence in myself to…”
This post explores tips to become more self-confident, read on!
- Bust the myth of ‘self-confidence‘:
Marketing sells the concept of ‘self-confidence’ as the solution to all our problems. The industry’s technique is to make us believe that we would be happier accumulating material possessions, being in a certain kind of relationship, having a certain job, etc. This makes people who go through life convinced that their lives will be fulfilled and that they will be better people once that one thing happens, for example: once we have that nice car, once we lose weight, once we are with that woman.
We have likely all experienced it; we thought that our lives would begin once we had reached a certain stage or acquired a certain thing. The truth is that, although you may feel better momentarily upon achieving your goal, this feeling is very fleeting. We end up wondering: “Now that I have this, am I finally happy?”. The answer is often disappointing, isn’t it?
The fact is, we confuse pleasure with happiness! Differentiating between the two concepts is fundamental. Pleasure is a very contextual, conditioned notion because it is attached to the outside. It depends on something or someone. You know, like that good piece of chocolate that we appreciate in the moment, but once swallowed, the guilt immediately returns. At best, the pleasure fades, and at worst, it turns into something painful. Let’s be in agreement: pleasure and happiness are two very distinct universes and it is essential to separate them.
It is exactly the same principle concerning self-confidence: it is absolutely false to tell you that, when you have confidence in yourself, you will finally be able to do such and such a thing. This puts people on a never-ending quest for the Grail; the Grail being the confidence conditioned by expectations of having, of possessing.
But that will never make you happy people because trust is among the shiny objects that Humanity is after.
The more she runs, the less she finds him.
The less she finds him, the more unhappy she is.
And even when she finds it, she realises that the void is still there.
So, let’s drop the myth of self-confidence as the solution to all problems, whatever they may be, and adopt another strategy.
First of all, in the notion of trust there is this question:
“When do I know that I have confidence? Where does the information come from?”
Then:
“What does this confidence allow me to do?”
And contrary to marketing concepts, 📌 the answer does not exist anywhere else but in you.
- Practical exercise to feel confidence:
I offer you an experience, perhaps new for some, in any case different from the beliefs conveyed on the notion of trust.
Let’s touch this confidence and see where it takes us by doing this little exercise:
Make yourself comfortable and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your nose or mouth.
Feel the parts of your body that are in contact, such as your feet on the floor, your back against a backrest, your arms on your elbows, etc.
Take note of all the parts of your body that rest somewhere.
Continue to breathe while focusing your attention only on the breath and the parts of the body in contact.
This way, you are in the famous ‘present moment’, the one that exists from moment to moment.
Do not seek to transform or modify it. Don’t try to evolve it. Observe what it is made of: thoughts, memories, and images. Pay attention to the noises around you. You are potentially living in the present moment, it’s as simple as that! Now, bring your attention to your interior and ask yourself the following question: “if at this precise moment you had complete confidence in yourself, how would you feel? What kind of state and emotion would you experience?” List in your head all the states you would be in if you had confidence in yourself. Stay in this state for a few minutes and feel what is happening in your body. Make the first observation – now you have the famous ‘self-confidence’. This translates into you experiencing the symptoms. You are able to name them. Keep your eyes closed and infuse all your cells with this state of consciousness. Exit the illusions and the speeches of charlatans; you don’t need anything or anyone to have confidence in you! In a few minutes, you have managed to ‘tune in’ to trust, because it already exists within you. Observe how powerful this is; you only need to focus your attention on trust to have trust. Keep in touch with it. To have confidence is to feel euphoric, light, serene, etc. This is called an emotion, a state. And just like happiness, a state is internal. They belong to you alone and do not depend on anything or anyone but you. - What does having confidence make me want to do?
Now you trust us, you feel this emotion. Keep your eyes closed and ask yourself: “What does this state allow me to do, what does it authorize me to do?”
If what you are feeling right now was a natural, permanent state, what would you want to do?
What would be your attitude, your speech, and your actions?
Overall, what changes would you make in your life?
Leave it unfiltered and list everything that comes to mind. Take action.
At this stage, the lack of confidence is no longer an excuse for immobility since you now know how to acquire it.
All that remains, is to ‘take the action’ to transform the test!
So, let’s move on to the operative part of things because if you change nothing in your situation, your life will not evolve. It’s time to act with a different action than usual because it is different from what you know. It will generate different consequences and will lead you to a new life.
“Real madness is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a change” – Albert Einstein
The unknown obviously generates fears, but this new life will open you up to fulfilment. If you don’t change anything, your life will remain as the one you know, often mediocre.
Sometimes, these breaks are only superficial. In these cases, you can ignore them and move on yourself.
But when they are too important, it is necessary to be accompanied in order to cleanse the fears and the limiting, sabotaging emotions.
“Fear makes us react, courage makes us act.”
If despite everything, you do not take action, it is because you find hidden benefits in remaining in immobility. Even though deep down you know it’s time to make a change.
To find out, ask yourself: “What advantages or interests do I have in not changing anything in my life when it no longer suits me in its current state?” If you can’t find it, ask for a hand. - Self-confidence and overall confidence in life: To conclude: on the subject of self-confidence, it seems important to me to come back to a point of philosophy. In life, we are guided by two possibilities: Move forward and evolve through love. Move forward and evolve out of fear. Pay attention to the latest decisions you have made. Observe that there are only two options: love or fear. The whole universe is made like this. And in terms of trust, I propose the following philosophy: “I decide that the entire universe is benevolent and just, or I consider that the universe is an enemy to be wary of more than anything.” First option: it allows us to open ourselves up to everything that comes our way, having faith that everything that happens in our life is good for our evolution. It is by maintaining this vision, that we can be completely serene, free, and liberated from everything that is happening because we know that what we are experiencing is conducive to more growth. Second option: conversely, we distrust everything, especially the universe. We protect ourselves and we anticipate problems. In these cases, my life will not have the same flavour and we enter into a permanent fight with ourselves. Even if the choice seems obvious, it remains a proposition whose choice is yours.
- To summarise, let’s recap: Confidence is a state already present in me. I can connect to it whenever I want, simply by focusing my attention on it. Once connected to this state, nothing prevents me from achieving what I want; I act concretely with the possibility of coming across obstacles that I can manage alone or with support. It would be a shame to stay stuck at this stage when the solutions exist to free yourself from it! I approach the philosophy that says that life is benevolent and that I can trust in it. With this belief, I no longer have the need to work on self-confidence because my confidence in the universe is much greater.